Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Somebody please shut Kant Play's Mouth

Kanye West, aka Kant Play, has made another completely ridiculous quote out there in Details, which is not exactly a magazine for the thinking man, anyway, but still...

"Put this in the magazine: There's nothing more to be said about music. I'm the fucking end-all, be-all of music. I know what I'm doing. I did 808s in three weeks. I got it. It's on cruise control. . . ...
I need to vent again how sick I am of Kant play. This quote explains a lot. If he put more than 3 weeks effort into an album, there wouldn't be so many repeated non-rhyming phrases, and empty spaces of repetitious beats. Now the schmuck is on cruise control, appearing at awards shows and pushing some upcoming fashion line.All this is the empty-celebrity trappings we follow more than we acknowledge his alleged "musical product". Just stop claiming to be a fucking genius and the end-all of music. Poplular music died long before you hit the scene, Kant-play. I'd like to see you try to entertain at a nursing home with an acoustic instrument. See how that goes down.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Not so hot Grammy

It's good to wake up in the morning and hear the media agreeing with you. I'm not just a guitarist nearing 40 that has to take Rogaine and has never put out a band CD. No big deal, because by the looks of it, the Music Industrial Complex is going to have to start all over again. Product lines, endorsements and Disney Deals are not going to save the biz from lack of unit sales. Thanks Courtney Hazlett of MSNBC's excellent Morning Joe, and J. Freedom DuLac of Washington Post for highlighting the desperate spinnings and bizarre combinations of acts devised to bridge the Gap to nowhere, nobody's listening. My personal media darling would have had even less tolerance, had she been watching with me, alas she was out viewing the vomitous stereotype-laden box office mess He's just not that into you.

My proposal is, support local venues, local acts, local radio.

But back to the broadcast that got in the way of more worthy, compelling programming. Fucking Coldplay. Stop Stop Stop Stop, Fucking die already. Couldn't even wait for the actual Grammy broadcast, CBS gives you a double dose of douchebag by profiling them on 60 Fucking Minutes. Ruined any good will gained by their long exclusive interview with Chelsey Sullenberger. I hate their fake fucking energy, their Scientology-like aura, their stupid fucking outfits, and their obivious U2 Ripoff sound.

At the risk of sounding completely heartless, I 'm merely being cynical when I say whoever wrote Jennifer Hudson's song was cashing in on an incidence of great tragedy. A massive publicity tour was in place for Hudson's new album before the murders, and the time has come to resume said tour. The spotlight and the drama will be prolific, so a song reflecting the suggested "love of the fans" is the perfect sheild. Still, a decent songwriter should be able to come up with a more profound couplet for such a situation than "I was so confused, you pulled me through". Why confused anyway? The question is simply "Why". This must be an area where euphemisms for violence are intensely muted while euphemisms for sex songs are amplified.

Speaking of couplets, Kanye West can't write for shit. His rhymes suck, or simply don't rhyme, there are repeats, his pathos is bourgeois bullshit. Lil' Wayne is an atrocious no-talent diva, TI and Jay-Z are overrated. Hip hop in general is completely out of dope, meaning it is fucking wack. Whatever happened to 2 turntables and a microphone, maybe a sampled instrument or two? These guys egos are so big, they all have to have a big band with strings, horns, multiple keyboards and backup singers. It's too fucking loud, you don't get a moment's pause. It's like being in an exclusive club where everyone is at a private table, screaming over the house system about their respective bling.
Now I get it. But it still sucks. Where's the urban consciousness?

Robert Plant & Allison Krauss winning album of the year, for consecutive years adult contemporary wins over more sellable rock products. OK fine, but this one just feels like a concellation prize for devoted Zeppelin fans, mad at Plant for not getting on the plane. God, I'd love to see Air Zeppelin take flight again. One listen to Chasing Sand and you can tell how much Boo, Boo, Boogie, Rob's got left in the tank. Sad getting old, but I plan on rocking out like Jimmy Page when I reach his age and have hundreds of guitars in a room waiting to be played.

Taylor Swift, guitar hero? It's one thing to strum a few chords of self-accompaniment, but now she's ripping leads behind Carrie Underwood. She's what, 18 years old? A marvel of biological engineering or merely miming an overdub?

Regarding the Chris Brown/Rihanna situation, these people are human beings with a history and a past. A history of abuse cannot stayed bottled up within the papparazzi glare, which is probably the reason they were trying to keep their relationship out of the public eye. It's a shame, Chris Brown is actually very talented, I liked his radio hit with Bow Wow "Shortie Like Mine". There is a curious divide with Rihanna's public and private lives, her father is apparently still living in poverty. And hello, apparently this morning the LA Times reports Rihanna is claiming the typical euphemism of the abused, claiming she was in a traffic incident.

The stress of being under contract, even working for Lifetime Achievement Award winner Clive Davis must be weighty despite him being "such a wonderful man, thanks for giving me the opportunity". Perhaps it's not worth it. I play music for the fun of creating original spontaneous ideas, not because I want to back up McCartney and wear a rented suit for the occasion and have my hair gelled up to here. Download my music all you want people, it's public domain. My music investment goes towards improving my environment and my self esteem.
Lawsuits won't help us get through this recession so why not let the music return to it's organic form and stop trying so hard to squeeze more money out of it.

What's the big deal? MIA has been performing preggers for months!

Monday, January 26, 2009

A Journey of Pivertion

Remember when HD was first available to cable subscribers but there were so few programs available for broadcast that you had to constantly harangue your Provider for more pristine programs to justify the expense? Well, Discovery Channel has scoured the Earth for interesting locales and scoured Hollywood for marketable faces to make such programs more palatable to the American public.

Back in 2006, Jeremy Piven was certainly on top of his game. Entourage was a hit, and he was the hero to the aspiring Hollywood douchebag. In an attempt to show his depth, Discovery shipped Piven to Bombay to experience laughter yoga, shop in Jewtown and look on with compassion while speaking with volunteers helping the many orphaned youths on the streets.

While we as a people grow snarkier every year, time justifies it when we see the nature of the star's downfall, and their marketability goes with it. Back in 2006, Piven rode his Gap V-neck good fortune into a sweet gig, sporting all his endorsed accessories up river in a fishing boat, along the Ganges and whatnot, doing his image nothing but good. Now with this shit economy, even Broadway, desperate for sustenance, can't get their money's worth out of a nearly-washed up, coked out, bloated Piven.

The future for HD home entertainment lies in essential travel-related shows like Piven's Journey, as another conveyance of the necessity of preserving indigenous culture meets our demands for escape from our air-conditioned nightmare of mortgage meltdowns and debt. But be cautious, you might just be channel surfing one day and come across something really fucking ironic.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Everyone's a Ho-Han

Just a theory, In this day and age of outsourcing, contracting and phantom companies, one never knows exactly who is working for whom. One can supposedly trace the money trail to defense, corrections, power, or oil production industries, without knowing of their contributions to such. I think there is an equivalent in the entertainment business and it all ends with Lindsay Lohan.

Lohan, who once was employable, performed well at her particular function, and promoted a product like Mean Girls, that earned a quantifiable income to herself and her studio. Now, one can only speculate on what it is that she DOES, her primarily function. She does show up for certain "public events" with her "friend" but it bears little resemblance to the functions of an "actress".
I suppose if I looked this good and got paid for standing inert the way she does I would choose such a line of employment. Handling post-rehab temptations and keeping up with the probation officer is a completely different skill. I'm sure I'd handle that with more discretion.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Monday, June 23, 2008

Please, please, Liz, don't be caught dead wearing Ed Hardy

For the love of all that is ho....famous, what the hell is Elizabeth Taylor doing? George Carlin just died, she is gravely ill, these things always happen in threes. Apparently she wanted to visit an Ed Hardy store, which is certainly the death of fashion and general common sense. Ergo, Liz wants some Grim Reaper time.

Don't do it Liz. We forgive you for Reflections in a Golden Eye which Marlon Brando still rolls in his grave from, and "dating" Michael Jackson. Your work in AIDS Research and Cat on a Hot Tin Roof assure you a place in heaven. But if you're seen being wheeled around Glendale wearing any of those Christian Audiger monstrosities, then we know you are lost and given up all hope. Run away from the light! Feel lucky that I can't run any Photoshop programs where I have you wearing one of his blingy smock/hat combos or whatever swag they throw you.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Should I rename this blog "Oh, the Humanity"?


Eh, probably not. But I am continually noting the minutae of human-overload type circumstances that are pissing me off frequently. In the context of the museum, I can accept it as a part of what is a public service, which is to be tolerated in a humorous way. But my Sunday forays of musical Escape-ism in Dupont Circle are somewhat sacred, and spiritual, and not to be interfered with. Unfortunately, Dupont Circle, being such a hive of activity these days has gotten to the point of over-saturation.

This past Sunday, June 1st, found our modestly amplified unit unintentionally competing for space with
Yellow-Shirted Scientologists in a tent, handing out flyers.
Red-Shirted "Make Hip Hop Not War" kids, activists, whatever they are, with full PA blaring, hyping and hollering horribly in what I felt was unwelcome deja vu of the DJ i heard the night before. How unneccessary! From the fountain, they had their speakers pointed west, but at one point someone turned a speaker to the east side of the park, directly at us. Immediately, to the shock of my cohorts, I brazenly stepped to the amateur edu-tainers and demanded they turn the speaker west. They complied, and I was hailed for my heroics of good taste. Playing resumed.

Today's visit to DuCi was marked by the handing out of re-usable shopping bags, courtesy of MLB, promoting the All-Star Game. I no longer collect such "Collectors Items" and already have several re-usable bags from Whole Foods, which don't get used enough. Will this mass-marketing target campaign at this locale ever end?